Parents who regret having children have anonymously opened up about what it’s really like to raise kids you resent and wish you never had.
Reddit user u/SniperGlizzy started the viral thread, asking: ‘What is it like to have children you don’t want?’ Many of the people who responded admitted that often think about what their life would be like if they never had kids.
‘I really thought I wanted kids because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do… be a wife and have kids. I love them, and I want the best for them. But I don’t have the same connection to them that other moms seem to have,’ one mother of three confessed. ‘I don’t miss them when I have to go on a long trip, I just feel relief.’
Candid: Parents have anonymously opened up about what it’s like to regret having kids in a viral Reddit thread (Stock Image)
Hard to handle: Many of them detailed what it’s like to raise a child you don’t want
She noted that having her kids home during the pandemic has been ‘really hard’ for her, and she has ‘a lot of guilt about it.’
‘I fantasize about taking off alone and living somewhere by myself,’ she said. ‘But I don’t want to mess them up like that, they’re innocent and don’t deserve it. So I do my best, and hope I’ll be alive in 10 years to be alone again.’
Another mom insisted having a child ‘set the tone for the rest of [her] life,’ saying it’s ‘one of those hindsight is 20/20 things.’
‘I honestly believe if I’d never had a kid, particularly as young and alone as I was in a very socially backwards area, I’d have made a lot more of myself,’ she said. ‘I know that could be taken as self-rationalization for lack of trying and failures.
‘But I also know how I felt, how I have never bonded with my kid, and how both our lives could have been a lot better had I either waited to have her, or let another couple adopt her like I wanted but was forced out of the choice.’
Honest: One mom who has a six-year-old daughter who is severely autistic with a global developmental delay said she would never have had a child if she knew this would be her life
Someone else pointed out that having unwanted children is ‘like having some guests at your house that never, never get around to leave for years, but you must take care of them to avoid getting into trouble and judged by others.’
One dad explained that he doesn’t necessarily regret having children, but he can’t wait until they are older and are no longer so ‘draining’ to care for.
‘I don’t know if I fall into that category, but sometimes I feel like I do. I love my kids, and I’m told I’m a pretty good dad, and sometimes I enjoy it… but most of the time it’s just draining,’ he wrote.
‘I explain it as being like an introvert at a party full of strangers — it’s not that caring for kids is painful or whatnot, just like talking to strangers isn’t painful. It’s just draining. It sucks the energy out of you, whether you’re good at it or not.
‘I understand that there are people out there who enjoy spending time with kids, just like there are people who enjoy talking to strangers — and suffice it to say I’m just not one of them,’ he added.
Feeling drained: Some of the parents said they love their children but miss their old lives
‘So I guess I want my kids, but what I really want is for my kids to magically be old enough that they’re no longer draining, and for me to get my life back a little.’
One parent admitted to not having any love for the child, saying: ‘I’ve just been trying to fake it until I make it and there’s a connection. Seven years now and nothing but disdain for the child. I see a therapist weekly but it doesn’t help.’
Without going into detail, another person explained: ‘You hate them, and you hate yourself for hating them.’
Some of the parents said they were resentful that they are stuck raising their nieces and nephews because their siblings are unfit parents.
‘I have custody of my brother’s kids. I didn’t want them,’ one person confessed. ‘My brother’s kids are not as well behaved as my children. It is very frustrating. I love them. I will protect them and take care of them. I find myself very upset by the fact that I just can’t seem to love them as much as my children. It’s depressing.
Hard to handle: Some of the parents said they were resentful that they are stuck raising their nieces and nephews because their siblings are unfit parents
‘I hate myself because I feel this way. I wish it was just my children a lot of the time. My brother’s kids put a strain on my marital relationship, because they act out so much.’
A number of the parents who responded in the thread were struggling to raise children with severe special needs, something they didn’t anticipate when they decided to have a baby.
One mom who has a six-year-old daughter who is severely autistic with a global developmental delay said her child is ‘non-verbal’ and ‘screams for hours’ every day.
‘I don’t feel like a mom, I feel like a caregiver. I get little joy in taking care of her and I am constantly worn down. I’m exhausted,’ she said.
‘This is going to sound absolutely terrible and this is why I’m using an alt. but raising her is not like raising a child. You raise a child to be a decent adult — you teach them manners, respect, education and kindness and you hope that as they grow up they will make friends, get good grades in school and go on to have a fulfilling life.
Feeling drained: Many of the parents who have special needs children said they feel like ‘caretakers,’ not parents
‘This feels like I am raising a very high maintenance pet that will not evolve into anything more.’
Other parents with special needs children could relate.
‘When you have a kid you kinda get this idea in your head on how things are gonna be. How you’re going to teach them things, share special moments as they learn and have this cool amazing bond,’ one person explained. ‘Then your kid comes into this world and is not at all what you expect.
‘My kid is special needs and has major developmental delays. He’s two and basically just lives in his own world. Doesn’t communicate, doesn’t respond to his name and has basically missed every single milestone out there.’
The Reddit user confessed to feeling a range of negative emotions, including regret, despair, and guilt.
‘It wasn’t his fault he came into the world this way. He didn’t ask to be here. So there’s a lot of complex emotions going on,’ the parent added. ‘However bad it makes me feel though — I just kind of wish he didn’t exist.’