There was a time when the words ‘you look nice’ from my husband were followed by ‘where’s it from?’
Nowadays, he already knows the answer — nine times out of ten I will reply: ‘It was Pamela’s.’
OK, maybe eight times out of ten, because it might have been Lianne’s, or my mum’s, or even his own mother’s.
I love hand-me-downs. While some people get a kick out of perusing the high street, there’s nothing I like more than a bag of second-hand clothes.
Ellen Manning shared the lessons she’s gained from wearing secondhand clothes, as it’s revealed there is an estimated £30 billion of unused clothing sitting in UK wardrobes. Pictured: Ellen, left, with Pamela
It’s become an ongoing joke with my closest friends who, for years, have given me first dibs on their unwanted clothes before they’re donated to the charity shop. If I know one of them is planning a wardrobe clear-out, my heart does a little leap.
I don’t have older sisters, so I was never given hand-me-downs as a child but, growing up, my family didn’t have loads of money, so my school uniform was often second-hand and we were no strangers to charity shops.
At 15, I volunteered in my local Oxfam store and saw it as a huge bonus that I was allowed to sort donations before they hit the shop floor, giving me the chance to buy anything I wanted for myself, before it was snapped up.
It’s not that I don’t care about clothes but, while my friends relish a few hours checking out the latest collection in Zara, I can think of several hundred things I’d rather do instead.
I just don’t enjoy the act of shopping, whether on the high street (rifling through endless rails trying to work out if that skirt will go with that top) or online (the relentless cycle of returns). For me, it’s a lot of effort for little reward.
Then there are the environmental benefits of my hand-me-down habit. I’d be lying if I said it was the main motivator, but it’s definitely a positive by-product knowing that I’m not contributing to the fast fashion crisis.
Ellen said she usually only shops out of necessity, revealing she prefers to buy underwear and jeans new
According to recycling charity Wrap, there is an estimated £30 billion of unused clothing sitting in wardrobes in the UK (with around £140 million worth of clothing going into landfill).
It also estimates that the British public will dispose of 67 million clothing items as we emerge from lockdown, with two in five people having had a clear-out while they were stuck at home.
Not every item of clothing I own is a hand-me-down. I shop occasionally, but usually out of necessity. Jeans I buy new, then it’s a case of wearing them until they fall apart before I’m forced to go shopping again. Then there’s underwear, which would be a bit strange to inherit from a friend.
Up to three-quarters of my wardrobe is second-hand
But, over the years, I’ve amassed hundreds of hand-me-downs and I’d say up to three-quarters of my current wardrobe is second-hand.
Smart, tailored jackets and trousers for work, casual hoodies, blouses that can be dressed up or down, glitzy evening dresses, barely-worn jumpers, even nearly-new gym wear that has plenty more use to be had out of it. I’ve got a whole section of my wardrobe dedicated to black dresses that were donated to me.
My friends and family all buy fairly decent brands — Nike sportswear, Next dresses, tops from White Stuff or Joules — and it’s rare that something won’t be in great nick. Some even still have the labels attached.
Ellen said there’s been the odd occasion where she’s come out ‘dressed as Pamela’, however their partners have gotten used to her wearing Pamela’s hand-me-downs
My best spoil is a Guess mac that would have cost about £150 new, given to me by Pamela after she decided it didn’t fit her quite right any more.
I’ve got my eye on her Vivienne Westwood coat, too — a beautifully tailored, vintage, beige mac, but I’m fairly sure I’d have to prise it from her cold, dead hands.
There has been the odd, slightly cringey occasion when I realise I’ve come on a night out essentially ‘dressed as Pamela’.
On a recent weekend away with her and her partner, we clocked midway through a pub lunch that I was sporting trousers, a top and a jacket that were all hers.
Luckily, our partners have long got used to me wearing Pam’s hand-me-downs and her partner no longer does a double-take when he sees me.
Of course, I’m aware she might find it strange to see her pal ‘copying’ her once-favourite looks, Single White Female-style. But her view is that it’s great to see someone — especially a close friend — getting use out of clothing she once loved.
Ellen revealed being given her mother’s hand-me-down gym clothes inspires her to work out
The same can be said for my mother-in-law, who recently complimented me on a lovely tropical print maxi dress I was wearing. I had to remind her it was one of hers. (And no, she can’t have it back, no matter how much she now likes it.)
I suppose some men might find it slightly strange to see their wife dressed up in their mother’s clothes, but I’m lucky my mother-in-law is fashionable and modern, so it’s not like I’m sporting outfits from the Sixties.
The majority of the hand-me-downs from my mum are gym clothes — she is one of the fittest older ladies I know. If you’d asked me a decade ago if I’d wear my mum’s clothes, I would have laughed in your face but, now, I’m not embarrassed at all. In fact, she inspires me to work out.
I appreciate not everyone’s a fan of hand-me-downs. Some people feel strange wearing a friend’s unwanted clothing, or still bear the scars of a childhood spent wearing elder siblings’ cast-offs.
But if you are comfortable with the idea, I’ve learned a couple of lessons. First, if asked where your clothes are from, never embarrass the person who gave them to you by publicly announcing it. If they’ve given them to you because they’ve put on weight, the last thing they need is you drawing attention to that fact.
Ellen said ‘in a world where we are all trying to be more sustainable, there’s no shame in giving some clothes a few extra months’ wear’
Plus, I’ve learned that some women don’t tell their other halves when they’ve bought clothes, let alone when they’ve given them away with the tags still in.
It’s also a good idea to make sure you don’t go through a bag of goodies in front of the ‘donor’, in case you wouldn’t be seen dead in any of it. I always go through my hand-me-downs in my own home, then either pass anything I don’t want on to other people, or donate them to charity. It’s where they were heading anyway — I’ve just saved my friend a journey.
It might feel awkward to ask, out of the blue, to look at a friend’s unwanted clothes but, if they mention they’re having a Marie Kondo- style clear out, just ask if they mind if you take a quick look — with the sweetener of offering to take anything neither of you wants to the charity shop for them.
In a world where we are all trying to be more sustainable, there’s no shame in giving some clothes a few extra months’ wear. If someone’s already getting rid of something they clearly don’t want it any more. And, as Pamela has told me, there’s no better compliment than a friend admiring your style so much she wants to take it off your back!
As for me, I get to look as elegant as my very stylish friend. Everyone’s a winner.