The other day I learnt that an old friend had died. But although I can accept this as a matter of fact, I can’t really take it in because there has been no shared recognition among those who knew her that her life is over.
There hasn’t been a funeral. Tens of thousands of people have died in recent weeks, many from Covid-19, some from different causes.
Because of lockdown, and the prohibition of more than 10 mourners at a graveside, their deaths have barely been marked in the public sphere.
And yet one of the most important functions of a funeral is to help us come to terms with the earthly passing of a person we have loved.
How wrenching it was at the beginning of last month to see photographs of the funeral of 13-year-old Ismail Mohamed Abdulwahab, who died from Covid-19.
Stephen Glover described scenes from the funeral of Ismail Mohamed Abdulwahab, 13, in Chislehurst last month as ‘wrenching’
His immediate family, including six siblings, were unable to attend after his younger brother and older sister developed symptoms of the virus.
The coffin carrying his body was lowered into the ground by four people wearing protective clothing and masks at a ceremony at the Eternal Gardens dedicated Muslim burial ground in Kemnal Park, Chislehurst.
A scattering of mourners stood apart from one another as they observed social distancing rules.
I cannot of course speak for Ismail’s relatives, but I am pretty sure that all over the country there are thousands of people unable to accept, and therefore to mourn, the deaths of family members and friends because no proper funeral has taken place.
So it is imperative that among the earliest measures easing the lockdown — which Boris Johnson suggested yesterday could come as soon as next week — the restoration of funerals must loom large.
Guests at the funeral of care worker of Janet Livingston, 60, who died of Covid-19, observe social distancing guidelines at a service in Parkgrove Crematorium, Friockheim, east Scotland
Stephen Glover The odd thing is that even now in the midst of lockdown there is nothing to stop people holding such ceremonies in a church, mosque or synagogue.
The Prime Minister’s spokesman has just confirmed that ‘funerals are able to go ahead in places of worship and crematoria where it is possible to do so’.
Indeed, Communities Secretary Robert Jenrick has recently revised official guidance to ensure that funerals can take place in accordance with the wishes of the deceased, provided that social distancing and other safety measures are put in place.
Why isn’t this happening? It’s possible that in some places it is. But not in the C of E, England’s national Church, with which many millions of people still identify.
Having known the Church of England pretty well over the years, even I am flabbergasted by the pusillanimity of its top brass.
They are continuing to prevent funerals taking place in Anglican churches, even though the Government has said such services are allowable.
A group of 36 Tory MPs, including two former Cabinet ministers, has just written to Anglican bishops urging the Church of England to resume conducting funeral services in church.
Ismail’s immediate family, including six siblings, were unable to attend after his younger brother and older sister developed symptoms of the virus
They correctly pointed out that as things stand ‘the wishes of the deceased and bereaved are not being fulfilled’.
You might think that, upon receiving enthusiastic encouragement from such a quarter, the bishops would joyfully throw their mitres in the air.
Are they not enjoined to offer comfort to the bereaved? Here were politicians showing them how they could do it. Alas, the bishops have turned out to be depressingly timid creatures.
A virtual episcopal meeting chaired by the Bishop of London, Sarah Mullally (who, interestingly, is a former chief nursing officer for the UK) concluded on Tuesday that Anglican churches should still not be opened for funerals.
An insight into the plodding and bureaucratic mindset of these modern prelates is provided by the statement released after their pow-wow.
They ‘agreed in principle to lifting restrictions, in time and parallel with the Government’s approach, with three broad stages as infection levels improve’.
In plain English, this means they have no intention of rocking the boat by opening churches for funerals now (even though they have been told they can do so), and will act only when the Government has shown them the way.
Now I don’t want to be beastly to the bishops, especially as they offer such an easy target. I am sure they mean well.
They don’t want to be held responsible in the tiniest degree for spreading the disease. But what about the bereaved? What, indeed, about the previously expressed wishes of the deceased? Shouldn’t bishops be attending to the needs of these people?
No one is suggesting they should break the law, only that they should be faithful to their Christian duty.
‘How wrenching it was at the beginning of last month to see photographs of the funeral of 13-year-old Ismail Mohamed Abdulwahab, who died from Covid-19,’ writes Stephen Glover
I’m afraid it’s not the first time during this crisis that our national Church has outdone the Government in terms of caution.
Instead of behaving as the independent body it is supposed to be, it has cravenly over-interpreted the wishes of the secular State.
Churches of all denominations have been closed — along with mosques and synagogues — since the beginning of the lockdown. Although one could certainly quarrel with the Government’s decision, it was not difficult to understand the thinking behind it.
Cramming people together (though this is not necessarily the case in Anglican churches, which are often less well attended than they used to be) was obviously not a good idea while the contagion was raging.
But the dear old C of E decided to go further. Justin Welby and John Sentamu, Archbishops of Canterbury and York respectively, controversially decreed that incumbents should not be allowed to enter their locked churches for devotional purposes. Some clergy have questioned whether they had the legal right to do this.
Justin Welby has threatened clergy with disciplinary action if they flout social distancing rules
Mr Welby, who has threatened clergy with disciplinary action if they flout the rules, declared in his adopted role of Government spokesman: ‘By closing the churches, we make a powerful statement of the need to listen to that message: stay at home, protect the NHS, save lives.’
Whereas on Easter Sunday Mr Welby celebrated the Eucharist in the kitchen of his London flat, Pope Francis celebrated Mass in St Peter’s in Rome. In this country, Roman Catholic priests have not been forbidden to enter their churches.
Gratifyingly, some Anglican clergy have ignored the Archbishops’ instructions, going into their churches and sometimes streaming live services.
The rank-and-file are often more robust — and more devout? — than their timorous bosses.
Mourners were spread apart during a prayer at the funeral for 13-year-old Ismail Mohamed Abdulwahab
Nonetheless, we can hardly deny that, at the very time millions of people might be expected to look to the Church of England for hope and consolation, it has retreated a little further into the shadows of our national life.
Please let us be permitted funerals soon. Of course precautions will have to be taken, especially in smaller churches. But then people should be wary inside cramped local supermarkets, where they have been free to go throughout the crisis.
Isn’t ours a strange country, which allows DIY stores to open during the lockdown while churches remain barred and closed against the faithful, and people are forbidden to attend proper funerals? This is a hard thing to say, but I don’t see fearful Anglican bishops leading the charge to have funerals restored.
Politicians, and in particular Boris Johnson, will have to show that at least they can grasp that man does not live by bread alone.