Stepmother says thought of ‘lazy’ stepdaughter living at home for four years is ‘terrifying’

A stepmother was praised for ‘breaking a parenting taboo’ after she admitted she doesn’t want her ‘lazy’ stepdaughter to live at home while studying for her PhD because she’s been left exhausted by her after a year in lockdown

The anonymous woman, from the UK, took to Mumsnet and explained that her 22-year-old stepdaughter had just graduated from university, but wanted to continue her studies for another four years in order to do a PhD in English literature.  

Other parents weighed in on the issue, with several praising the woman for saying how other parents felt. 

However, others argued she should be more supportive of the university graduate at such an important time in her life.  

A British stepmother revealed she couldn’t support her stepdaughter’s decision to move back home while continuing with post-graduate studies (stock picture)

The stepmother explained her stepdaughter didn't work at all and that she already had her first degree  funded by her parents

The stepmother explained her stepdaughter didn’t work at all and that she already had her first degree  funded by her parents 

In the initial post, the stepmother penned: ‘Dd has graduated and decided she wants to be an “academic” in English literature.

‘Her plan is to study for an least four more years and live at home. She is 22. She doesn’t work at all and we have funded her degree.’ 

The woman went on to brand the idea of her stepdaughter living with her ‘terrifying’ – adding that she was ‘looking forward to an empty nest.’

She continued: ‘She is very lazy to be honest and our house is very small. Living together was massively stressful. I really don’t want her back home. I am exhausted with all the children after this year. Working from home and everyone HERE is driving me mad.’

‘I don’t enjoy her being around but If I’m honest I don’t enjoy my own dear children around either. I feel completely done with parenting. Our house is tiny and I don’t want to love now to accommodate other (almost) adults.’ 

Parents agreed the stepdaughter shouldn't except to move back home and not pay rent or contribute to home life

Parents agreed the stepdaughter shouldn’t except to move back home and not pay rent or contribute to home life

She went on to question whether she was being unreasonable for feeling like she couldn’t cope with the situation. 

In response, some people sympathised and reassured her she was right not to want her daughter to move back in. 

‘OP it’s fine to want to have the house to yourself again no matter what people on here tell you,’ wrote one, while a second commented: ‘Unpopular opinion – no one is obliged to like their adult stepchild or even house them.’

Another person said they’d be disappointed if their own children decided to remain financially dependent from their parents into adulthood.   

‘I would be disappointed if my DC decided their life plan / career goal was to remain financially dependent well into adulthood,’ they added.   

Others noted it was difficult to be financially independent right after leaving university and that the stepdaughter was at an important stage of her life

Others noted it was difficult to be financially independent right after leaving university and that the stepdaughter was at an important stage of her life 

A further person agreed the stepdaughter could apply for post-graduate accommodation and highlighted the point that at her age, she could bring back partners home too, which would only add further fuel to the fire. 

‘Can’t she apply for post grad accommodation?’ reasoned one. ‘No reason she can’t find a job as well and pay her way. Odd that somebody would want to return home after Uni. I imagine at that age she’ll be bringing partners home too.’

However, others brought another perspective to the debate and argued that the stepdaughter was at an important stage in her life.   

‘If so, then speak to her and discuss that,’ suggested one. ‘Or is it that you just don’t want her around? In which case you are being unreasonable.’

Another commented: ‘Don’t kick her out it’s a crucial stage in her life still. It’s her home as well.’ 

The debate went on between people saying education was an investment into the stepdaughter's life and others saying it was refreshing for a parent to admit they were done with parenting

The debate went on between people saying education was an investment into the stepdaughter’s life and others saying it was refreshing for a parent to admit they were done with parenting 

Elsewhere, one person who was in a similar situation as the stepdaughter when they were a student also gave their point of view. 

‘I wanted to stay on at Cambridge and do an MPhil at least. My mum “persuaded” guilt tripped me to leave and start earning,’ they commented. 

‘I’ve always struggled in my career and bitterly regret not staying in academia where I might’ve fitted better. Just to give another perspective.’

Another parent argued that it’s harder for student nowadays to be financially independent from the moment they felt university. 

‘To be honest I think this is the price we will all be paying for massive house inflation. Our children just can’t afford to move out,’ they said.