Davina McCall, 53, recalls using drugs to ‘fill the hole’ from being abandoned by her mum

Davina McCall has recalled abusing drugs to ‘fill the hole’ left from being abandoned by her late mum Florence Kock.

The presenter, 53, reflected on feeling ‘insecure and instable’ after her mother – who passed away in 2008 – told her she was going on holiday for two weeks, but didn’t return and left her with her paternal grandmother when she was just four.

In an interview with DJ Fat Tony on his show The Recovery, the broadcaster admitted she was ‘kissing goodbye to my brain cells’ when she used substances such as heroin, speed and weed as a teen, before she sought help over 20 years ago.

The host detailed how her non-existent relationship with her parent impacted her personality and life decisions, explaining: ‘I do not see myself as a victim in any way. 

‘It’s a fact but when I was nearly four, my mum took me to my granny’s house and said I’m going on holiday for two weeks and she never came back. I then ended up feeling like a guest at my granny’s, but it was all organised.

‘We kind of know now that we need to process it. I felt abandoned. I was still going to visit my mum over the holidays but I didn’t know that [at the time].

‘That might have been the core of the issue but I feel like there’s an overarching reason why I used, and that is that I constantly had a hole here and it really hurt. 

‘My tears were always [by my chest], and if we started talking about the hole, I wasn’t quite sure how to verbalise it. Insecurity, instability, I just start crying very easily. It was very easy to get me to cry when I was a little girl.’

The former Big Brother star went on to share how her habit became out of control, stating: ‘When I took my first drug, I probably started smoking weed when I was 13 or 14… 

‘I hated it, absolutely hated it and made me paranoid but filled the hole for a minute. I kept trying it as it made me feel a bit paranoid. I hated it so much. The warning signs were there – you go back to the drugs you hate in case it’ll make you feel better.

‘When I discovered other drugs – the next was speed because it was cheap and available when you’re a teenager – I felt like I was kissing goodbye to my brain cells. I wouldn’t sleep, I wouldn’t eat… I thought that it filled the hole and made me forget. 

‘It only fills the hole momentarily, so you’d get more drugs… that’s what addiction was for me.’

Confessing her addiction worsened in the early stages of her career, Davina added: ‘I messed up everything, I was really doing the bare minimum… then I got a job at Models 1, it was a big changing point. 

‘It was the ecstasy period, I remember it was a really crazy, fun time. I was taking bits of heroin in Paris. I’d visit my mother there and she wasn’t really around so there were no boundaries. 

‘I could go out with whoever, but my dad and step-mum kept a beady eye on me in the UK. After I started a club, I had money to feed the monster. I was half-nun, half wild child… 

‘I grew up as a God-fearing child with my nanny… I never stole, I never really injected in the UK, I always put myself above the dirty junkies. I used to think ”I take heroin but I’m not as bad as them.”

Her life came crumbling down soon after, before the media personality’s best friend demanded she change her lifestyle.

The mother-of-three told musician Tony, 54, who has been sober for over 13 years: ‘I remember my friend told me, ”everyone talks about how much of a mess you are”, and that was like a dagger in my heart, that I was the topic of discussion. 

‘She told me that she didn’t want to be my friend anymore unless I got help and I told her, ”f**k you! I don’t need you, I’m absolutely fine!” 

‘After I walked out the car, I was sobbing. I got back to my room and I hated myself and felt so disgusting and toxic. I thought nobody wants me, and I had no one left. If I carried on using I’d be on the streets.’ 

The TV star, who shares Holly, 19, Tilly, 17, and Chester, 14, with her ex Matthew Robertson, has since used her platform to promote self-love, and has been keeping busy hosting her Making The Cut podcast with beau Michael Douglas. 

Anyone battling similar issues, call the Frank drugs helpline on 0300 123 6600. They can talk you through all your options