Chrissy Tiegen details her 'daily remorse' over not looking at her stillborn son Jack's face - Money

Chrissy Teigen has discussed her regret over not looking at her stillborn son Jack’s face, as she too scared to see him ‘in her nightmares’.

On Thursday, the model, 35, took to Instagram to share images from her husband John Legend’s Wild music video, which the couple used to announce their baby news in August last year, before tragically losing their beloved son in September.

Alongside the shot, Chrissy, who is mother to Luna, four, and Miles, two, penned a heartbreaking caption detailing her ‘daily remorse’ and admitting she laments not looking at her son’s face when he was born due to fears for the future.

She wrote: ‘I am so full of regret that I didn’t look at his face when he was born. I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams. I hurt every day from that remorse’.

Heartbreaking: Chrissy Teigen has discussed her regret over not looking at her stillborn son Jack’s face, as she too scared to see him ‘in her nightmares’ (pictured with Jack in September)

Heartache: Alongside the shot, Chrissy, who is mother to Luna, four, and Miles, two, penned a heartbreaking caption detailing her ‘daily remorse’ and admitting she laments not looking at her son’s face when he was born due to fears for the future

Chrissy revealed this time is a ‘rough reminder’ of Jack’s due date, as she posted the images showing her posing with her husband on a bed and wearing a white dress.

She wrote: ‘I was 10 weeks along and out of my mind happy. I knew the video would take a bit to get together so thought it would be cute to share our news with the world through the ol classic hand on belly trick at the end.

‘I could have never imagined what would happen over the next 10 weeks…not sure I’ll ever be able to watch that video again without sobbing but I hope he feels my tears and knows we miss him so,’ she continued.

‘He would have been here any day now — if he were like Luna and Miles, I’d probably be holding him as we speak.’

Memories: On Thursday, the model, 35, took to Instagram to share images from her husband John Legend’s Wild music video, which the couple used to announce their baby news in August last year, before tragically losing their beloved son in September

Way back when: Chrissy said February had been a ‘rough reminder’ and admitted she ‘thought the worst was over,’ even though her ‘life and emotions aren’t on any sort of schedule’

‘I am so full of regret that I didn’t look at his face when he was born. I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams. I hurt every day from that remorse,’ she wrote.

Chrissy said February had been a ‘rough reminder’ and admitted she ‘thought the worst was over,’ even though her ‘life and emotions aren’t on any sort of schedule.’

She concluded her post: ‘Love you guys to pieces and am grateful for all your support and love. I firmly believe energy and healing travels through the night sky and I feel it, I promise I do and I love you jack. I miss you so so much.’

Chrissy and John shared the story of losing their son to a partial placental abruption in heartbreaking detail last year, and their candour was widely lauded for helping women discuss the often-taboo matter of baby loss.

Missing him: Chrissy and John shared the story of losing their son to a partial placental abruption in heartbreaking detail last year, and their candour was widely lauded for helping women discuss the often-taboo matter of baby loss

Happy family: Chrissy and John share two children, Luna, four, and Miles, two

WHAT IS A STILLBIRTH?

A stillbirth occurs when a baby is born dead after 24 weeks of pregnancy.

If a baby dies before 24 weeks of pregnancy, it is known as a miscarriage.

Not all stillbirths can be prevented, however, not smoking or drinking, as well as not sleeping on your back and attending all antenatal appointments can reduce the risk.

What are the signs?

Signs may include the baby not moving as much as normal.

Pregnant women should contact their doctor immediately if they notice a difference to their baby’s movement.

What are the causes?

Stillbirths do not always have an obvious cause but may occur due to complications with the placenta or a birth defect.

They are also more likely to occur if women suffer from high blood pressure, diabetes or an infection that affects the baby, such as flu.

Stillbirths are more likely to occur if women are having twins or multiple pregnancies, are overweight, smoke, are over 35 or have a pre-existing condition, such as epilepsy.

What happens after a stillbirth?

If a baby has died, women may wait for their labour to start naturally or they may be induced if their health is at risk.

Bereavement support groups are available to parents who have suffered stillbirths.

Some find it helpful to name their baby or take pictures with them.

Source: NHS Choices

In their original post, Chrissy wrote on Instagram: ‘We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before…

‘We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough.

‘We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever.

‘To our Jack – I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive. We will always love you.’

She added: ‘We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience. But everyday can’t be full of sunshine. On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.’

Happy family: Chrissy and John tied the knot in Italy back in September of 2013

The Cravings cookbook author was previously put on bed rest, before she was hospitalized for excessive bleeding from her placenta.

She explained on her Instagram Story: ‘It’s always been kind of the bad part of my pregnancies with Luna. With Miles, it just stopped feeding him. It stopped taking care of him.

‘I was stealing all his food because I was getting huge but he wasn’t getting big at all, so he had to come out early and Luna had to come out early. I was induced both times.’

On Wednesday, Chrissy spoke on Twitter about Jack.

She wrote: ‘My little jack would have been born this week so I’m a bit off. I truly feel kicks in my belly, but it’s not phantom. I have surgery for endometriosis tomorrow…but the period feeling this month is exactly like baby kicks. sigh.’

In pain: The Cravings cookbook author shared her behind-the-scenes post while recovering from surgery to address her endometriosis earlier on Thursday

The Cravings cookbook author shared her behind-the-scenes post while recovering from surgery to address her endometriosis earlier on Thursday.

She looked at the camera from her hospital bed in one snap from her Insta Stories while joking, ‘Please endo this pain lol lol lol.’

The disorder is a condition in which tissue that normally lines the uterus begins to grow outside of it, which can lead to debilitating chronic pain.

Ouch: ‘I’m OK. I’m home now. I’m all numbed up,’ she said sleepily while panning her camera to show the bandages on her stomach where she was operated on

Other celebrities, including Lena Dunham, Padma Lakshmi and Julianne Hough, have been open about the pain they have suffered as a result of their endometriosis.

After her surgery, Chrissy shared some videos from her recovery while she was still feeling sluggish from the anesthesia.

‘I’m OK. I’m home now. I’m all numbed up,’ she said sleepily while panning her camera to show the bandages on her stomach where she was operated on.

She was relaxing in bed while watching episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm and chowing down on a box of doughnuts.

For support & information for those affected by miscarriage, ectopic or molar pregnancy call 01924 200799 or visit miscarriageassociation.org.uk

What is endometriosis? How the disorder results in pelvic pain and internal scarring

Endometriosis is an often painful disorder in which tissue similar to the lining of the uterus – the endometrium – grows outside the uterus.

It most commonly affects the ovaries, Fallopian tubes and the tissue lining the pelvis.

The primary symptom of endometriosis is pelvic pain although many women also experience cramping during their menstrual cycle.

Symptoms also include painful periods, pain with intercourse, pain with bowel movements or urination, inflammation, excessive bleeding and infertility.

Often misdiagnosed, many women only discover they have the condition during infertility treatment.

Approximately half of women diagnosed with endometriosis have difficulty getting pregnant.

While studies about the link between endometriosis and miscarriages are still ongoing, newer research suggests that the condition can leave sufferers at greater risk of having a miscarriage.

Source: Mayo Clinic