Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Amanda. Amanda who?
Amanda the bed.
This was the first knock-knock joke I ever heard. I must have been six or seven years old at the time. I soon developed an almost rabid taste for them.
The two most popular were also two of the poorest. The first was:
Knock! Knock! Who’s there?
Teresa. Teresa who?
Teresa Green.
This one was particularly weak, because even though it was simple, it often had to be explained — ‘Trees-are-green — get it?’
The second was:
Knock! Knock! Who’s there?
Isabel. Isabel who?
Isabel always necessary on a bicycle.
Nearly 60 years after I heard my first knock-knock joke, they are still going strong. Like most of my friends, I found that once you got started, it was hard to stop. We would all come back to school after the holidays refreshed with a new batch (stock image)
This struck me then — and still strikes me now — as irritatingly wordy and complicated.
But most of my schoolfriends persisted through the dud Teresa and Isabel jokes to the sunny knock-knock uplands beyond.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Felix. Felix who?
Felix my ice cream, I’ll tell my mummy!
Which brings me to a recent survey conducted among residents of Nottingham, which found that one in five Britons under the age of 30 have never heard a knock- knock joke.
But the optimists among us might prefer to see it another way: knock-knock jokes are still so popular that four out of five young Britons are familiar with them.
Nearly 60 years after I heard my first knock-knock joke, they are still going strong.
Like most of my friends, I found that once you got started, it was hard to stop. We would all come back to school after the holidays refreshed with a new batch.
Knock, knock! Who’s there?
Amos. Amos who?
A mosquito just bit me.
Knock, knock! Who’s there?
Howard. Howard who?
Howard you like a punch on the nose?
After a while, the knock-knock jokes we told each other became more sophisticated, their puns more outlandish and unexpected.
Knock, knock! Who’s there?
Sam and Janet. Sam and Janet who?
Sam and Janet evening.
Many of these brainier knock-knock jokes have what one might call a Post-Modern flavour. They are self-conscious, dismantling their own apparatus, creating jokes about the absurdity of jokes (stock image)
Back in the 1920s, the famous round table of wits at the Algonquin Hotel in New York had a fad for telling knock-knock jokes, some of them slightly racy. Their most famous member, Dorothy Parker, invented this one:
Knock, knock! Who’s there?
Hiawatha. Hiawatha who?
Hiawatha nice girl till I met you.
Some knock-knock jokes run the danger of becoming too clever for their own good. In my more downmarket schoolboy circle, the person on the receiving end of the joke would occasionally look bewildered. ‘But what does Sam and Janet evening MEAN?’
‘You know, “some enchanted evening”.’
‘But I still don’t get it.’
Sadly, the moment a joke requires explanation, it stops being a joke and becomes a problem.
Knock! Knock! Who’s there?
Astronaut. Astronaut who?
Astronaut what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.
That one still strikes me as funny, but to anyone unfamiliar with President Kennedy’s famous speech (‘Ask not what your country can do for you…’) it is meaningless. Like Maths and Philosophy, knock-knock jokes offer different levels of expertise.
Once you have mastered the Starter Level — Teresa Green — you go on to Intermediate — A Mosquito — and so on, right up to the PhD level.
Many of these brainier knock-knock jokes have what one might call a Post-Modern flavour. They are self-conscious, dismantling their own apparatus, creating jokes about the absurdity of jokes.
Knock, knock! Who’s there?
A little old lady. A little old lady who?
Gosh! I didn’t know you could yodel!
Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Boo. Boo who?
Only a joke! No need to cry!
Many of them delight in imagining a real person at the door, upset at not being allowed to enter:
Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Ivor. Ivor who?
Ivor you let me in or I’ll kick the
door down
Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Olive. Olive who?
Olive in this house, what are you doing here?
The knock-knock joke will last for ever, because it is always re-inventing itself. If a paltry one in five of Nottingham under-30s have no interest in them, who cares? That’s my opinion.
Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Opinion. Opinion who?
Opinion the door, or I’ll come through the window!