Andrea McLean has revealed her husband Nick Feeney ‘didn’t know’ she struggled with suicidal thoughts when she secretly suffered a breakdown last year.
The Loose Women panellist, 50, spoke candidly about her experience during that dark time in an interview with Hello! Magazine on Sunday, as she admitted that counselling has been ‘amazing’ for her and Nick.
Explaining how she wrote in her book about how she thought of ending her life after a fight with her husband, she told the publication: ‘Nick didn’t know I had put it in, he didn’t even know it had happened.
Candid: Andrea McLean revealed on Sunday that her husband Nick Feeney ‘didn’t know’ she was struggling with suicidal thoughts at the height of her mental breakdown
‘I hadn’t mentioned it at all. I think it was quite a shock for him. Our disagreement was tiny, I can’t even remember what it was about.’
Nick explained that that he found it ‘really, really tough’ to read about what Andrea was feeling at that time in her book This Girl Is On Fire, as he said their arguments were never about ‘one thing’ and they ‘barely even raise [their] voices.’
Going on to talk about how they went to couples therapy to help her during her breakdown, Andrea went on: ‘Therapy was amazing for us. We weren’t going because we were in trouble, we were going because I was in trouble.’
She claimed that by going to therapy she could help Nick understand how certain things he said may trigger her after traumatic experiences in her past, and Andrea said she wanted to go through the process as he is her ‘present and future.’
Struggle: Andrea wrote about her experience for the first time in her book, and said ‘Nick didn’t know I had put it in, he didn’t even know it had happened… I think it was quite a shock’
Andrea spoke about her spiralling depression in an extract of her book This Girl Is On Fire, which she shared with MailOnline.
She wrote: ‘At my lowest point, I was suicidal. This is the first time I’ve admitted that.
‘Just days after I’d collapsed on my make-up artist Donna, I had an argument with my husband, Nick, and then went away on a work trip.
‘It was a trivial thing, the kind of spat all couples have, and he’d only been mildly annoyed with me.
Speaking out: Going on to talk about how they went to couples therapy to help her during her breakdown, Andrea said it has been ‘amazing’ for them
‘But I was in such a bad state of mind that it triggered overwhelming anxiety and other negative emotions.
‘Alone in my hotel room, I wanted to end it all right then. I felt Nick couldn’t see my side of things at all — and if someone who loved me as much as he did failed to see it, what was the point?
‘And yet I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to hurt my family — Nick, 47, my beloved third husband, and my two wonderful teenagers; 18-year-old Finlay from my first marriage and 13-year-old Amy from my second.
‘I thought they would be ashamed that I’d been so weak. I lay on the floor of my room and sobbed.
Terrifying: The Loose Women presenter had a nervous breakdown last year and contemplated suicide as she ‘sobbed on a hotel floor uncontrollably’
‘Then the next day I got up, went to work, put on a smile and knocked it out of the park at a meeting. No one would ever have known.
‘How could I have done that? How can anyone go from lying on the floor feeling suicidal to going into work the next day?
‘Ask anyone who has been in this situation and I’m sure they will say the same thing: shame keeps you smiling.’
Last month, Andrea spoke about how she had a nervous breakdown last year and contemplated suicide ‘sobbing on a hotel floor uncontrollably’ as her anxiety ‘overwhelmed me’.
In the podcast White Wine Question Time hosted by Kate Thornton, the couple spoke about how their marriage survived the darkest of days.
Nick, 47, said: ‘Andrea is such a tough individual and she has walked through so much s**t in her life. She wants to put a smile on her face and be professional.
‘To have seen what’s gone on, the difference with me is that I’ve not just read it in a book – I’ve seen it. It’s just horrendous, it’s hard.
Awful: Andrea is happily married to Nick, 47, but last year the presenter had an argument with him which triggered overwhelming anxiety and suicidal thoughts (pictured in 2018)
‘All I want to do now is make sure she never goes back there again. To do everything within my power… sell everything, get rid of my cars, get rid of my property, I’d get rid of everything to make sure you [Andrea] do not go from smiling at me, then something happens and you’re in tears.
‘It’s just awful to watch and I never want to see her go back there again. She’s in such a good place at the moment and I just want to keep her there.’
Andrea said she is now the ‘strongest I’ve ever been mentally’.
‘I look things in the face, I’m not skirting around them anymore and I feel mentally really strong,’ she said. ‘But it’s really tough to keep talking about it all the time.’
For confidential support or advice call the Samaritans on 116 123 for free or visit www.samaritans.org
Honest: Andrea previously spoke about her spiralling depression in an extract of her book This Girl Is On Fire which she shared with MailOnline