Saying ‘goodbye’ is rarely easy.
Most often this is the case when it’s someone with whom you have an unbreakable bond, intense connection, or a shared personal experience.
But as we learned on Monday’s Big Brother, there’s also the ‘Danni Exception’, a phenomenon that evidently causes producers to lie through their teeth in an attempt to manufacture drama.
New housemate, who dis? Saying goodbye is rarely easy. Sometimes it’s because of an intense connection or an unbreakable bond (just ask Ian) – but on Monday’s Big Brother, there was The Danni Exception
Insects and the City
Insects and the City: Big Brother has settled into a worryingly familiar formula: every episode has to open on a lighthearted, seemingly organic story. This time, it’s Ian finding out his pet huntsman, Patricia, has died
Big Brother has settled into a worryingly familiar formula: every episode has to open on a lighthearted, seemingly organic story, designed as a quick burst of credibility before the staged rubbish kicks in.
On Sunday, it was Sophie and Chad: A Bogan Love Story and last night, it was nerdy spoon-player Ian learning of the death of his pet huntsman, Patricia.
Big Brother: ‘Ian, I’m sorry, how are you feeling?’
Ian: ‘You know how they say love bites? Well, Patricia never did *sobs*. So why does it sting all the same Big Brother? WHY DOES IT STING?’
Love bites: Ian: ‘You know how they say love bites? Well, Patricia never did *sobs*. So why does it sting all the same Big Brother? WHY DOES IT STING?’
Big Brother: ‘So I’m guessing now isn’t the time to mention Mantis-Kate (praying mantis) and Lizard McGuire (blonde haired gecko in US high school) are also dead?’
Ian: ‘No! This has to be a sick joke? We were halfway through filming our sitcom, Insects and the City!’
Big Brother: ‘Yeah, turns out they’re no good around vacuums.’
Ian: ‘Mum! You’re DEAD!’
Big Brother: ‘So I’m guessing now isn’t the time to mention Mantis-Kate (praying mantis) and Lizard McGuire (blonde haired gecko in US high school) are also dead?’ Ian: Saying goodbye is so hard!
You’ve Got To Be Kieran Me
Free to fake: ‘Great!’ thought the producers as they traded high-fives and the odd open-mouth kiss . ‘Now we’ve done the insect thing, we can spend the rest of the episode treating the viewers like absolute idiots!’
‘Great!’ thought the producers as they traded high-fives and the odd open-mouth kiss (look, the pandemic has been a lonely time for many).
‘Now we’ve done the insect thing, we can spend the rest of the episode treating the viewers like absolute idiots!’
‘Door slaves, call in the loser who we’re not legally allowed to compare to Dame Edna,’ cried a steely Executive Producer, peering up from his Wagyu steak.
Who you gonna call? ‘Door slaves, call in Kieran!’ cried a steely Executive Producer, peering up from his Wagyu steak. ‘I would like to present to him an offer too legally binding to resist!’ And thus a plan was set in motion.
Enter Adelaide’s worst driver Kieran, who we’ll soon learn also happens to be Australia’s worst actor.
Exec producer: ‘Dame Edna! So nice to see you. I would like to present to you an offer too legally binding to resist!’
And thus a plan was set in motion.
Wipe out: Kieran wiped his mouth and returned to the diary room, where he laid out the framework of a completely original, non-coerced plan to Big Brother
Kieran wiped his mouth and returned to the diary room, where he laid out the framework of a completely original, non-coerced plan to Big Brother.
‘My plan is to screw over a newbie (Danni, Shane, or Hannah) by planting a seed of doubt in the mind of a gullible housemate to create drama, leading to their elimination,’ he said.
‘Well, you reek of steak and seem to be sporting a new Armani wristwatch and fresh teeth, but sure, let’s just go with it,’ Big Brother replied.
Garth Shader
The soil: Kieran identifies eccentric and ‘gossip-hungry’ (his words) gay man Garth, 50, as the most fertile soil in which to plant his seed
Kieran identifies eccentric and ‘gossip-hungry’ (his words) gay man Garth, 50, as the most fertile soil in which to plant his seed.
Kieran: ‘Hey Garth, you love gossip, right?’
Garth: ‘Not really, why?’
Kieran: ‘Because you know Danni?’
Garth: ‘I genuinely have no idea who Danni is?’
Then Kieran delivered the least convincing line I have ever seen.
Kieran: Hey Garth, you know Danni, right? Garth: ‘I genuinely have no idea who Danni is?’ Then Kieran delivered the least convincing line I have ever seen.
‘Yeah well *long wink* she thinks you’re a snake. Anyway *looking directly at camera* it’s all quite… interesting? Isn’t it?’
‘Oh F**K OFF!’ I screamed at the television. ‘This is so obviously staged!’
Now, I probably only get one F**K OFF (well two) per recap, so take note that I have replaced all subsequent outbursts with a fun bit of animal trivia.
This Ssssucks: ‘Yeah well *long wink* she thinks you’re a snake. Anyway *looking directly at camera* it’s all quite… interesting? Isn’t it?’
‘Oh-em-gee! I can’t believe she said that, what a total moll! Garth replied, pretending to buy this absolute nonsense.
The heart of a shrimp is located in its head.
Garth proceeded to go around slagging off Danni – the housemate nobody knew existed – for being a total C U Next Tribal council.
A snail can sleep for three years.
OMGarth: ‘Oh-em-gee! I can’t believe she said that, what a total moll! Garth replied, pretending to buy this absolute nonsense
…Next Tribal Council
Bunch of drips: The next thirty minutes were devoted to the Nomination Challenge, which are just like Survivor immunity challenges but if the producers were boring and incapable. ‘Today’s challenge: stop water from spilling out of this large syringe,’ said Big Brother
The next thirty minutes were devoted to the Nomination Challenge, which are just like Survivor immunity challenges but if the producers were boring and incapable.
‘Today’s challenge: stop water from spilling out of this large syringe,’ said Big Brother.
It takes a sloth two weeks to digest its food.
Angela won her second eviction challenge in a row. The story we’re being told is that while she may seem lazy and aloof, she has the persistence of a community radio PR trying to get a story in the Daily Mail.
Glossed over: Angela won her second eviction challenge in a row. The story we’re being told is that while she may seem lazy and aloof, she has the persistence of a community radio PR trying to get a story in the Daily Mail
Keep in mind this is all going down one night after Angela triggered the eviction of Talia and was subsequently threatened with bitter revenge by her fake lover, Daniel.
‘Tonight, Big Brother, I’m going to nominate… who was it again? Danni? Yeah Danni – the one with the kids – and the other two you told me to nominate,’ Angela said.
‘Zoe and Garth?’
‘Yep, that’s them, the ones involved in that ‘snake’ drama you guys have been shooting multiple takes on all day!’
Nearly three percent of the ice in Antarctic glaciers is penguin urine.
What? Proving this whole show is rubbish, Angela, just one night after copping a vile threat from Daniel, decided to nominate the three people involved in Kieran’s NIDA audition-level ‘seed’ farce, Danni, Zoe, and Garth
The Danni Exception
New horizons: Saying goodbye is rarely easy – just ask Ian. Ian, Patricia, Mantis-Kate and Lizard McGuire had an unbreakable bond. An intense connection
Saying goodbye is rarely easy – just ask Ian, the guy who used to own insects until he left the house to go on Big Brother and his mum brought in Dr. Dyson.
Ian, Patricia, Mantus-Kate and Lizard McGuire had an unbreakable bond. An intense connection.
And then there’s The Danni Exception – when saying ‘goodbye’ is difficult because you were just following orders and have no idea who this woman is.
The Danni Exception: And then there’s The Danni Exception – when saying ‘goodbye’ is difficult because you were just following orders and have no idea who this woman is. ‘It’s time to go, Danni!’ said Sonia Kruger
‘It’s time to go, Danni!’ said Sonia Kruger. ‘Say your goodbyes, everyone!’
Everyone feigned sadness as they said a difficult goodbye to Danni, for whom they shared an intense disinterest. A breakable bond.
It takes Huntsman spiders up to three days to die after being sucked into a vacuum.
Bye! Everyone feigned sadness as they said a difficult goodbye to Danni, for whom they shared an intense disinterest. A breakable bond