Sara Davison, aka The Divorce Coach
Sara Davison, aka The Divorce Coach, shares her tips on how to avoid divorce and relationship breakdown amid the Covid-19 crisis:
BE KIND: This may sound basic but it’s a fundamental foundation and one to keep reminding yourself of when tensions mount. Make an agreement now to keep being kind to one another – whether you’re a couple or a family – and create a safe space for each other to express any concerns without blame or repercussions so you can work together to tackle and dissolve any issues, tensions or concerns. A safe space might just mean agreeing not to get angry or frustrated with each other while you have these discussions.
DON’T LET IT FESTER: Being in close confinement together means the tiniest of resentments can quickly become magnified. Try to keep open communication and a constructive dialogue. If you feel resentment building over something, however small, tackle it head on and work with your partner to try and address it and resolve it.
CREATE OWN SANCTUARY: We all need our own personal space and calving this out has never been more challenging. Whether you’re a couple or a family of five, find some time to think about and discuss your needs with your partner and how you can support each other to prioritise each other’s needs. It might be a candlelit bath, holing yourself up with a boxset or even waking early at 5am and downloading a meditation – taking some time out for personal space and self-care is essential and healthy.
WORK OUT A PLAN FOR FINANCES: Money is one of the biggest causes of arguments and with so much economic uncertainty, these pressures can lead to chronic stress. Talk honestly and openly about your finances and map out a worst-case scenario so you both know what the difficulties and expectations are. Help is available if you’re struggling so make sure you research and equip yourself with knowledge now. If you are both on the same page you can work together to find a way through this.
RESPECT EACH OTHER’S WORKLOADS: For many people working from home is an entirely new concept. Unless you’re used to it, it can be really difficult to find discipline or space to concentrate when you’re not in an office environment. If kids are soon taken out of schools, trying to calve out time to work with children interrupting or being noisy can make this impossible. It’s a good idea to work out a routine with your partner enabling both of you to get the essential work done. Perhaps one of you works better in the morning vs the afternoon? Or perhaps this is better shared in terms of priorities – either way be fair and share childcare respecting and prioritising each other’s needs.
EMBRACE IT: Universally, we are together in an unprecedented crisis. As frustrating as this can be, embracing it and trying to make the best of it, brings out the best in humanity. Try to remember what it was like when you were growing up before mobile phones and Netflix. Get the board games out and get stuck into a game of Monopoly or Pictionary. It’s also a good time to clear out the home or tackle a wardrobe detox – both excellent for a mental refresh and kind to the planet. It’s a good time to nurture too, cooking and eating delicious and healthy food will keep you and your family’s minds and bodies strong and healthy.
KEEP THE FLAME ALIVE: Remember that everyone is having a tough time and love and romance is never more important during times like this. Again – keep kindness in mind and find small ways to show your affection and love for each other. It might be breakfast in bed, or a romantic dinner when the kids are in bed – but create a romantic space to spend quality time together and enjoy each other away from daily chores or worries.
KEEP IN TOUCH WITH LOVED ONES: One of the biggest concerns for many is their parents or elderly relatives – especially whilst we’re unable to see them in person. Make sure you keep in touch regularly with video calls which will really help reduce anxiety for them and for you and keep your support team connected.
KEEP MOVING: Not only is exercise a great way to release stress and get the endorphins pumping so we feel good, it also improves our ability to sleep which reduces stress. With lockdown restrictions this is more challenging but by no means impossible – drive to a secluded area for a walk, get out in the garden or download an fitness routine on YouTube which can also be a giggle!
For more information about Sara and her work, visit www.saradavison.com