TOWIE’s Demi Sims details the ‘dark days’ of feeling ‘trapped’ in her body before coming out

Demi Sims has candidly discussed how she came out as bisexual at 19 after three years of dealing with ‘very dark days’.  

Speaking to TOWIE co-star and close friend Vas J Morgan for his I AM ENOUGH podcast on Monday, Demi revealed how she initially struggled with understanding her feelings as a teenager and why she felt ‘trapped’ in her body.  

The reality star, 23, also spoke about her decision to be honest with her fans about her skin condition vitiligo and why it was like a ‘second coming out.’

Demi was 16 when she first realised she had feelings towards women, she told Vas: ‘Obviously you know I came out as bi at 19, but for three years prior to that I was hiding in the closet.

‘So then for those three years, I really do see them as very dark days. I was trapped in a body that wasn’t me. 

‘Now I feel like I obviously have that weight off my chest I’m in a happier place, but I do look back on those days like wow, what a dark place that was.’ 

Demi described how the initial confusion surrounding her sexuality was brought on by the ‘fashion’ of being a gay women as opposed to being a gay man.

She shared: ‘Around the time I started realising I liked girls, when I was like 16/17,  all girls were kissing each other when they were drunk in the club.

‘And I was thinking, are these thoughts that I’m having in my head normal then? Because girls are kissing girls, maybe they are attracted to each other?’ 

It wasn’t until she met someone over the internet and developed an ‘obsession’ for her, did Demi realise her feelings were very real. 

She described the ‘light switch’ moment of clarity upon understanding her sexuality and this led her to have the confidence to have a relationship with a girl.

However, her first relationship was kept secret for six months and she was ultimately faced with a situation that forced her into being honest with her parents.  

Demi shared: ‘One night I stayed at her house, I wasn’t actually allowed to stay at her house, I got kicked out I don’t know for what reason. 

‘I’d had a drink so I couldn’t drive home, so I called my mum and dad and I had to tell them. They came and got me at 3/4am in the morning.

‘They sat me down in McDonald’s on the way home and they said they already knew that we were a couple.

‘I was like, ‘why didn’t you say anything to me it would have helped me so much?’ They said they wanted me to do it in my own time and they never wanted to force me.’

Demi said she believes ‘everything happens for a reason’ and without this incident she never would have had the ‘courage’ to come out.  

The reality star has been on The Only Way Is Essex for just over a year and was the first bisexual women to appear on the show.

She told Vas how growing up she never saw gay women in movies or on TV but does fear that people will only date her now because they want to be on the show.

She said she stayed in the closet due to fear of people believing she was ‘doing it for attention.’

Demi explained how she finds it hard to date because she doesn’t know how authentic people are, she said: ‘I never know if they are being serious or if it’s just a phase, girls go through a lot of phases.

‘This was one of the reasons I was scared of coming out because people might having thought I was doing it for attention.

‘I always think, are they doing it for attention? Are they being legit? Do they just want to get on TOWIE?’

She continued: ‘The amount of dates I go on and they are like ‘this is my first date with a girl’ and I am like is this legit then or just a phase you are gong through?

‘I don’t want to be an experiment.’

For Demi, the idea of having a ‘TV relationship’ isn’t necessarily a desire, but something she would like to be able to experience as easily as her co-stars.

She shared: ‘I am not saying I want a TV relationship, but it is harder for me to find someone in the same industry as me.

‘That is something I struggle with, someone accepting my job if they’re not in my industry.’

The beauty shared a brief romance with Love Island star Megan Barton Hanson after the pair met on Celebs Go Dating.  

For Demi, she stressed the importance of not rushing ‘coming out’ as she feels there is no time limit, she said: ‘You have your whole life to come out.’

Vas asked her how she made the decision to tell fans about her vitiligo, which she described as ‘a second coming out.’  

Vitiligo is a skin condition in which the pigment cells of the skin are destroyed in certain areas of the body by the immune system.

Although the exact cause is unknown, experts say it is an autoimmune condition in which the body’s defence system mistakenly attacks and destroys certain cells within the body.

It’s not painful and doesn’t have significant health consequences, but it can have emotional and psychological consequences. 

In recent years, the skin condition has been more widely recognised thanks to celebrities such as supermodel Winnie Harlow, who has vitiligo.

Demi shared that she found out she had it at 16, around the same time she questioned her sexuality and wondered if it was brought on by ‘stress.’

Her grandma also has the condition and Demi believes she inherited it from her but explained she had no idea how common it was until she bravely decided to upload a photo to her Instagram where the patches of her skin affected were visible. 

She said: ‘Last year I was in Vegas, it was my first proper series of TOWIE, so I thought if I’m going to go and get recognised, people will ask what is on my skin.

‘People have pointed it out to me before and told me my fake tan is patchy. So I decided to put it up quickly in Vegas before getting my flight home, I was so nervous I had so much anxiety.’

However, upon landing she described how her phone was full of notifications. 

She continued: ‘I got so many likes and I was blow away. It made me cry. I remember thinking, oh my god I never expected this in a million years.

‘It made me realise how many people have it. I got so many messages and comments from people saying ‘I have it, my dad has it.’ It was like a second coming out.’ 

Back in May 2019 when Demi shared the gorgeous photo, she penned the caption: ‘It’s taken me years to upload a post like this with my vitiligo patches on my body showing. 

‘The thing is I can’t be bothered to keep editing them out or fake tanning and putting make up over them anymore so that people don’t judge, and especially now summer is coming up I don’t want the stress of having to hide them 24/7 when wearing a bikini, I know that 2019 is so accepting of everything now and I am grateful for the people who have made it like that.

‘I’ve learnt to be true to yourself and don’t hide what makes you different, self love should always come first.’